Wishing My Gift Away

20217378_1752648648086087_582475349_nPeople often tell me how they wished they had my gift.  They wish they could sense and communicate with Spirit.  Usually it’s because they want fame, money or their own TV show.  Hey, to each their own.  However, I never wanted any of that.  I didn’t even want my gift for most of my life.

It is very difficult growing up seeing people others don’t.  Imagine a small child trying to tell you that they hear someone you don’t hear.  They insist that they see a person that you can’t see.  You most likely would think they were imagining things.  If they were persistent, you’d think that child was a little off his rocker.  Now, imagine being that child and everyone ignoring you and making you feel crazy.  Imagine having these gifts as a teenager.  Throw in raging hormones, high school drama and the fear of someone finding out about your visions and the voices in your head.  Not so fun, huh?

When I went to college, it was a struggle being around so many people at one time, all the time.  I struggled for two years.  Finally, one night, I prayed for the first time.  I asked that God help me.  I begged God to let me know that there was a purpose for my supernatural experiences or to at least take them away.  Just then I felt this warm wave of peace wash over me. Then I could feel four people, one by one, sit along the edge of the bed I was laying on but, I saw no one there.  I smiled and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe.  Weird, right?  But, I had the best night’s sleep that night and I woke up believing in God.  I had a new outlook on life.

Not long after college, I married and started having children.  Oddly enough with my children, my gifts grew.  Soon a TV show started about a medium and her stories were so similar to mine that I was shocked.  I started thinking that I might be a medium too.  So, I read on it and prayed on it.  Again, I began to pray to God asking Him to take this all away, “Dear God, if this is a gift, I cannot handle it.  I’m not strong enough.  I’m not worthy.  Please take it away.”  It was a prayer I repeated many times.  As I shared with you before, it was this prayer that started a conversation with a Spirit that made me realize that this curse was not a curse but my purpose.  From that point on, I feel blessed and honored to have my abilities and to share them with you.  I hope to help as many people I am able to and share my love for God with them.  It’s just one more reason why I am sharing my journey among spirits.

How I Discovered My Gift

20217181_1752615018089450_1396390960_nDiscovering my gift took time, and it took others telling me that I had a gift before I even considered the possibility. It wasn’t until I reconnected with my grandmother in my twenties, that I was introduced to the idea of my experiences being a gift instead of a curse.  Then, it was my family and friends that helped me embrace it.

My grandmother moved in with mother when I was in college.  I was able to build a relationship with her during my visits home. During one of our first conversations she told me “You have the Gift.”  Her comment was out of the blue and took me by surprise, especially since I didn’t know her that well.  However, after years of visiting with my grandmother, she helped me understand a few things about what she called “my gift”.  My grandmother also told me about psychics and mediums but, I still hadn’t accepted that I had abilities.

After my grandmother passed away a few years later, I didn’t think much about my “gift” and I focused on my young family.  However, that didn’t stop my experiences. To feel “normal” I started watching paranormal television shows.  Then a TV reality show about a Medium opened up my mind again.  Her stories and experiences were so similar to mine, it was hard to ignore but, I did my best.

Around the same time, I met another mom who was interested in the paranormal.  I felt comfortable enough to tell her about a few of my spiritual experiences.  My new friend told me that she was in a paranormal research group.  She told me that I have way more experiences than the average person.  I was surprised but, it did have me thinking again “Do I have gifts?”.  Soon after that, my new friend introduced me to someone as “Nicole, the Sensitive I told you about.”  AHHHH!!!  I didn’t know how to respond but, I’m sure my face said it all.

After my new friend introduced me as a Sensitive, I began my research.  I searched the internet and read books.  Then, one day, my mother called and said “Nicole, I think you might be a psychic.”  She had been watching the Medium TV show also and reading tons of books.  My mom recognized some of my childhood stories in some of the books she read.  Mom helped me learn to meditate.  I remember doing a meditation to meet my Spirit Guides.  It was so real that it scared me and I stopped it all and put my research on the shelf.  However, my plans didn’t matter because my experiences continued.

My spiritual experiences didn’t just continue, they increased.  So, I prayed a lot.  I eventually told God “If this is a gift, I don’t want it.  I can’t handle it.  I’m not worthy.  Please take it away.”  But, it didn’t go away.  If anything, my experiences became stronger, more frequent.  So, I prayed and prayed and prayed.  Finally, after much prayer and many tears, I prayed to God saying “God I do not want this gift but, if it is your intention for me to have it, and you think I am worthy, I accept it.”  I remember being shocked to hear “Do you want this gift?”  I replied, “Only if it’s God’s intention.”  I heard, “What would you do with this gift?” I replied, “Help others and share God with them.”  From that point, my fear lessened and I felt I found my path.